Long Overdue Apology

Local buffoon Charles Coolidge has finally apologized for forgetting his MetroCard at home.  He did not intend to delay the bus for five minutes, making dozens of foreigners late for their janitorial jobs.  He also regrets asking everyone if they had change for two dollars, especially that old woman who smacked his posterior, and the man who smiled but offered no change.  "That guy had no idea what I was saying, so the delay was largely his fault," Mr. Coolidge swears.  Witnesses are infuriated that the bus driver gave up and offered the fool a free ride, but Coolidge promises he had a monthly pass, so the ride was already paid for.  Lastly, he says, "No, I'm not related to Calvin Coolidge."