So in the past couple of months I’ve been watching a lot of the presidential debates. I mean, what else am I going to do with all of the writers on strike? I’ve always been very involved in politics, but usually only ever watched the Democratic debates. This year however, Ron Paul caught my attention so I’ve been watching both.
Some of the things that I’ve heard the candidates say over the last couple of months are completely ridiculous. First, Giuliani said that if the U.S. had universal health care when he had prostate cancer his survival rate would have gone down drastically. Then, John McCain started talking all crazy about how we’re winning the war in Iraq and how he’s willing to commit a hundred years to this war (which doesn’t make sense if we’re winning). But, I think the worst thing that I’ve heard is Mike Huckabee constantly comparing homosexuality to having sex with animals.
I suppose I have to clarify before I go on my rant that I’m not gay…well not totally. I mean, I wouldn’t kick Gwen Stefani out of my bed, but for the most part I am not gay. However my brother, Josef, is gay and I lovingly refer to him as Homosef. I guess I should also clarify that I have never seen my brother have sex with a dog…but then again I’ve never seen him have sex at all because he’s my brother and that’s sick.
Now, I have to admit that I’ve heard this theory before. You see, I’m originally from Indiana and I can remember having these debates in government class. We’d start talking about gay marriage and someone would say something along the lines of “If we let gay people get married then we have to let people marry animals, or have multiple wives.” I can even remember one person saying “If we let gay people get married then A.I.D.S. would spread.” Which, I remember thinking was both offensive and adorable. Offensive because he assumed that all gay people have A.I.D.S., but adorable because he thought that if gay people didn’t get married that they wouldn’t have sex. I guess I always just assumed that this was a corn fed attitude of people in a small town and that when I moved away to the “big city” that these close minded views wouldn’t exist.
Of course, that was not the case. Just recently I dated a guy who told me that he thought being gay was a choice. I have to admit I was shocked that an adult man living in New York City felt this way. After shock I felt suspicion…because I thought if he thinks that someone can force themselves to be straight, then maybe he thinks that because that’s what he’s doing. Maybe Mike Huckabee feels the same way, for the same reasons.
A man and a dog is different than a man and another man (or two ladies). I’m actually embarrassed that this needs explaining. The biggest difference is probably the fact that a human has a range of emotions and is able to have consensual sex, where as a dog will lick the peanut butter off of your balls but is WAY more interested in the peanut butter than you.
I will concede that the bible says that homosexuality is a sin (of course it also says that the sun revolves around the earth but whatevs). But, the last time I checked, religion is supposed to be separate from the government.
I know that it doesn’t seem like I’m pro-religion but that’s not true. I am personally an atheist but I have always admired people’s passion when it comes to religion. If anything I’m jealous that I don’t have anything in my life I would go so far as to start a war for.
This whole issue kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and my friends would get mad at me for using the Lord’s name in vain. I would ask what the problem was and they’d say “It’s a sin”. I would always say the same thing… “It’s not like I’m forcing you to sin”.
If you truly believe that homosexuals will burn in Hell, I can’t ask you to change your mind. But, I can ask you to just let them. So two gay people get married and they live a long happy life, and raise kids, and see grandkids. Maybe they get a dog. Then they die and go to Hell. I guess you win, right?
February 01, 2008
Great stuff. Would have loved to read more about the man on dog angle. The peanut butter part was priceless! Who’s the guy in the picture? He looks just like my cousin.
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February 01, 2008
The guy? Yeah, that’s your cousin.
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February 01, 2008
Wow, do people really make that comparison with gays and dogs? I didn’t know that o_O
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February 01, 2008
The dog looks like my uncle.
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February 02, 2008
Once again, a great article! I love your mix of absurdity and profound thought broadcasted through your humor.
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February 02, 2008
Unfortunately the idea “seperation of church and state” is not a part of the Constitution, Bill of Rights or any other government documents. It was a letter from Jefferson to some concerned parishioners I believe.
The government consists of people who have beliefs and the reason we elect them is because their beliefs represent our beliefs (or so we think.) All the hot-button issues these days (gay marriage, abortion, healthcare, privacy) need to be decided by the voters, not representatives who lie about positions and create the political games.
I am waiting for someone to invent a Multivac so we can have honest leadership.
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February 03, 2008
Huckabee Girl- a silky smooth slow jam that goes out to a very special man from Arkansas.
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February 06, 2008
Im really curious about this.Where did you get that from?
“But, the last time I checked, religion is supposed to be separate from the government”-Its supposed to be government apart from religion,not religion from government. If you’re referring to the constitution,its about government abusing the Church, not the Church abusing the Gov’t like popular belief.Im not some Christian fanatic, and I despise the chruch, but you are very wrong.…..
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February 06, 2008
I believe this is what she meant: (From Wikipedia)
The separation of church and state is a legal and political principle derived from the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which reads, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof …” The phrase “separation of church and state”, which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson to the Danbury Baptists, where Jefferson spoke of the combined effect of the Establishment Clause and the Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment. It has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court.
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February 07, 2008
Thank you Kevin, Harris, and John for the history lesson. I was just referring to seperation of church and state. Please, don’t take anything I write too serious…after all I do tell dick jokes for a living. But, I do appreciate anyone taking time to write comments whether they be postive, negative, or just schooling me.
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February 08, 2008
wow. don’t know you,
but i stumbled upon your blog,
and i completely agree.
i’m straighter than a road in west texas,
but by God, my cousin is a lesbian, and i fully support her and everyone else.
There’s nothing wrong with homosexuality.
But there’s everything right with love.
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February 26, 2008
fantastic and well said — i especially like the way you wrapped things up at the end. don’t recall if we were in government together, but in my class a consensus was reached that wives should be subservient to their husbands. bible-2, mere mortals-0.
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January 07, 2009
Stephanie:
You couldn’t have stated it any better yourself, “So two gay people get married and they live a long happy life, and raise kids…”, and right there is the issue. Two that were designed for an opposite compatible partner, attempting to do something that their design cannot allow them to do.
” “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” “The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.” “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” ” — Genesis 2:18,22,24
The suitable mate for a man is a woman, and the suitable mate for a woman is a man.
Just as you can force the male ends of two USB cables together, or tape the female ends of two extension cords together, there is a design incompatibility issue — and that design for people goes deeper than just the physical interface. As humans we might be intelligent enough to break computer cables and make non-working extension cords, but without God’s Word and spiritual guidance, we’re not intelligent enough to understand our design and ultimate purpose.
You also said, “Then they die and go to Hell. I guess you win, right?”. No, Stephanie. We lose. Ever had your heart broken by someone you loved more than life itself?
Probably the most quoted passage from the Bible, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” — John 3:16 The key phrase here is, “For God so loved”. He knows our design and our purpose, and only someone who is free to make their own decisions can truly love in return. “The Lord is…patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.” — 2 Peter 3:9 It’s all about a love relationship.
I’m more than happy to continue this discussion with you, you have my email address.
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June 07, 2009
Stephanie,
I normally figure that when someone says she/he’s an atheist, it means she had a bad relationship with her father. If that’s your story, I’m sorry. God calls himself our Father if we choose to believe and receive Jesus’ offer of forgiveness of sins.
It’s especially sad to see a woman reject God, because he has done so much for us, who in most of the rest of the world are treated like second-class people or worse. If you are honest, you will see that the most Christian countries are also the best places to live. They’re the richest, free-est and most forward looking. Compare them, for example, to the Muslim world.
Btw, the Bible does not, to my knowledge, really say that the earth revolves around the sun. It says that the sun rises and sets, but we still do that today, do we not?
Email me with any questions, and God bless.
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June 09, 2009
I want to find good pop music. Help me please.
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